I Chose to Fake My Death 02
Chapter 02: Appropriate Entertainment is Good for Physical and Mental Health
While wearing an ordinary dark blue dress, I strolled down the main street alone.
The reason for my bone fracture was finally determined, and sure enough it was because of the desktop that I tried to secretly move. Although the beginning I did hope my body was fragile but for it to be fragile to this extent really makes me feel awkward…
But the ‘luck’ that God had granted me meant I didn’t have to stay hospitalized with nothing to do for one month…but two months. Two boring months of scrolling QQ, chatting in groups and expanding my friend circle.
(Tn:刷扣扣nearly made me punch my laptop since 扣扣 means buckle but apparently means QQ also – a form of social network like Facebook but China)
“The moon tonight isn’t round enough.”
As my surroundings slowly began to darken, I wasn’t in a hurry to return home – even though my mom told me not to go blindly wandering around during the night as a little girl.
I pondered over my troubles as I slowly made my way back home alone. While kicking a small pebble, I lightly hummed a melody from a familiar anime.
I heard that somehow my mother persuaded father to use some kind of way and got me into 1st grade, and that I’m starting next week …Aiii~ How come when compared to when I was going to high school they didn’t display such supernatural powers to get me into school? Just saying, I don’t think I have much interest towards boys who are younger than me…moreover, when you make a standard high school senior go to a primary school isn’t it just purely making fun of them?
(Tn: 哎 just imagine a really asian sigh but pronounced as ie)
(Tn: 初一 is the first year of primary school but it’s also known as year 1 age . Mc is 高三 which is the final year before uni)
The more I dwelled on this, the more annoyed I felt, eventually the feeling turned into anger, and unknowingly my face became as round as a bun…
(Tn: smth like this)
What should I do when I get home? Should I stay in bed and play on my phone or should I play on the computer? Ugh, it really is hard to decide between either of them! But the most entertaining one has to be gaming on a computer!
Ever since I became a girl, my father no longer treats me as a burden, and all kinds of ‘strange’ restrictions were lifted. Father was afraid that I might try to secretly play on the computer again and end up injure myself again so he installed a new computer for me to use, I also moved from the 20 square meters small room to the loft of the house of around 50~60 square meters, it even had it’s own toilet…
While being deep in thought I arrived at the entrance to my house, seeing the figure of my father opening the door to welcome me in I happily dove into his arms and gave him a hug. The relationship gap ever since I was young was very deep, to have the opportunity to resolve this I must cherish it ahhh …
He squatted down and held me in his arms, gently whispered in my ear, “Don’t come back so late next time”
“Okay Daddy~” I replied to father with a cute voice, while rubbing my face against him.
(某奇怪 I’m interpreting it to be the author trying to say ‘moe’ and not strange)
He gently pushed me away, patted my head, turned and left.
This is not the first time I was pushed away, I still don’t understand why I was treated like this. Was the gap really too deep, the weight of remorse too heavy? Or does he still really believe that I’m not his son? I still don’t know the answer yet. But it’s too late to go back to how it was before now, and I don’t want to go back. Over ten years of wishing for this and it to be granted, why would I want to lose all this?
None of that is important at this moment, what is important is that I can play on my computer now!
The stairs to the loft was a bit too steep for me, the loft itself was decorated with a beige wallpaper that were both cheap and durable. There was a huge wardrobe in one end of the loft, full of clothes and accessories for Lolis…a bed that was 2 by 2 meters was placed right in the middle. And opposite to my wardrobe there was my bookshelf and my other furniture, with a computer installed on the desk…the layout was simple, but the result was very good.
I switched on the computer, opened the game, connected the mic, and placed on a pair of headphones.
“Are you ready?! My brothers in arms!”
(Tn: 兄弟们，准备好了么rewrote this so sound more fired up and 兄弟 can mean comrade or bro)
A clear and lively voice from a cute loli traveled through the mic, the original hot blooded words lost it’s effects as it only made the person who say it sound more cute.
“Little fella, we waited for you for a long time, it’s just you left.”
“Yo, cutie finally came!”
“This time I’ll support you, you play adc, guarantee you to grow up!”
(Tn: 发育 means developing/growth but it also means ‘get fed’ in league terms aka getting lots of kills and author is playing with words)
“Little lolis aren’t fun when they are developed!”
Four different voices came out from the headphones, told me that they are ready, and can battle at anytime.
During the 2 months in hospital I met these 4 amusing individuals after going to various chat groups on QQ. There is a college student, ID: Running snail, a professional coser (Tn: Cosplayer), ID: Anzi Orange, StarCraft professional gamer, ID: UNSC, as well as a Ero artist, ID: Magical Teen. My friend circle was always this diverse, but now I don’t have to be infamously known as a transgender (Tn: or trap).
[Tn: So at this point onward it’s just League of Legends and if you don’t want to read it feel free to just wait for next chapter. I’ll sum up the things missed but there won’t be much and it’s just literally Chinese gaming slangs. Please don’t hate this novel. For those who read I’ll try to make it as understandable as possible if you don’t play league]
“Hey mister, you can’t harass me like this you know! Or else I’m gonna leave the group!” Even though these words came out of my mouth, my mouth faintly curled up into an arc…
“OK! OK! OK! You’re the boss! You’re the boss! …For you, I pissed off the entire asian chat group you know. Fortunately, I am the group admin…”
“Stop arguing you two, it’s champion select!” (UNSC)
“Okay~” Responding quickly, I opened the champion selection screen to pick my champion.
(Tn: Season 7 but chinese server)
Listening to them bickering and arguing with each other made me very happy, as everyone started talking the atmosphere slowly began to build up.
This game called “League of Legends” is very damaging, It’s very time-consuming since one round takes around 30 minutes, it was a nightmare for me since I don’t have any IP (Tn: In game currency) or RMB (Tn: Chinese yuan/dollars is used to buy RP another form of in game currency) ……There’s not many heroes that are available…Aii~
Those four have already picked their champions and locked in. And they are Jax for College student, Ezreal for Coser, Blitzcrank for Master UNSC and Illaoi for the Ero lover.
At this point I feel a little awkward…Jungle Jax, Top Illaoi, Mid Ezreal, Support Blitzcrank which leaves me with the role of ADC…(Tn: Attack damage carry but author just calls it C) But I refuse to play ADC! I hate ADC! (Tn: and I main ADC)
No sooner said than done! (Tn: This idiom is a pain to translate 说时迟，那时快 but it kinda means ‘in a instant’ and also ‘before you/I know it”. Mc is also answering to herself in this context to what she is doing) After fixing my runes and masteries, I quickly selected Singed and locked him in with only seconds to spare.
“Ah~ My hands shook” Completely denying the responsibility of what I did.
“Hey, are you serious?” (Running Snail)
“Hey girl, you’re not following the rules for lanes and champs!” (Anzi Orange)
“What are you doing, you said you’ll obediently become my ADC!” (UNSC)
“She’s mine!” (Magical Teen)
(Tn: ‘She’ is actually ‘pretty girl’ in terms of internet slang)
“Why are you still talking! Readjust lanes quickly!” I pretended to sound very anxious and then covered my mouth and laughed secretly.
“We can’t! Both sides have locked in meaning the 10 second countdown will start! With only 5 seconds left!” (UNSC)
“Stop talking and change your masteries already!” (Running Snail)
Hanging the headphones on the sofa after taking it off, I jumped onto the bed behind me and began laughing on my sides. Besides, there would still be some time until the game loads!
From my bedside cupboard I took out a 2L bottle of extra large Mirinda (Tn: Chinese Fanta), as well as a few packs of cookies from some unknown company. I remember these are from before when my father cleared the entire supermarket when it was on sale. Since it was so cheap 2 months of food were bought but it hasn’t even been a week since then and I ended up in the hospital…speaking of which there is a very important matter, have they expired yet?!
Taking out an extra long straw that is made up of 6 individual ones connected to each other, I slipped it into the bottle of Mirinda. The straw just reached my mouth when I placed it on the ground, I still remember using this lazy method when I was a kid and succeeding every time~
(Tn:Still a kid tho)
I returned to the sofa as I opened a packet of biscuits. No way, why has it already started??!
“Hey hey hey, I just went to get something to eat, why is it so fast this time? How many minutes ingame?” I picked up the mouse and asked panicky.
“Only replying now, I thought you crashed!” (Magical Teen)
“Well, it’s not too late, game started two minutes ago and the first minion wave only came a while ago.” (UNSC)
Quickly glancing at the situation, we are currently blue side. Illaoi is going mid, Ezreal and Blitzcrank are at bot, Jax is at opponent jungle getting the red buff. Although we only played two or three times together, but no matter how you look at it they are really good!
After learning the E ability I quickly teleported to top lane tower. Well then, This place belongs to me now!
“He is dying and dying just a bit more a bit more!” (Anzi Orange- Ezreal)
What is going on? My face gave a dumbfounded expression as I slain a minion. Isn’t this a signal for a kill?
“Wh..What the hell?! First blood just like that?” I said in a tone of disbelief as it shook slightly.
Looking down and pressing the tab key. It was Blitzcrank getting first blood off the opponent Quinn. What the hell! Something’s not right why is the screen red??!
Letting go of tab and pressing the spacebar, what a guy! A Garen is spinning next to me…
(Tn: The author def hates Garen since in raws he calls him 大gay伦 also means gay d*ck. I’ll call him to be Garen this time and the following chapter Garen → Gayren to keep the joke but I’ll use Garen when author switches back to 盖伦)
Hey, hey, why are you hitting me!? Eat my E you noob!
Looking at the screen with the Gayren spinning in front of me made me suddenly shout out.
Eat this shoulder flip!
Big Gayren was thrown into the air.
Big Gayren traveled in the air forming a perfect curve
Big Gayren fell under the tower.
Big Gayren was locked on by the defensive tower and was attacked.
Big Gayren ate two tower shots.
Big Gayren flashed! But the third shot of the tower caught up!
Big Gayren Dies!
+ G 300
Watching Garen put up a good show of flashing then dying, I could only look at the screen speechless. Speaking of which I also forgot to buy starting items, is it too late if I go back now…
“Yo, you’re pretty good kiddo! Although you didn’t get first blood but it’s still very good.” (Running Snail)
The voice of Running Snail came out of the headphones. But even after hearing those words of praise I still didn’t regain my vigor, and uh…I feel a little bit embarrassed…perhaps it’s…
The feeling of chronic embarrassment disorder…OTZ
(Tn: And translating this gives me cancer)
Moving the hero to the side of the minion wave and activating the poison trail, I took a deep gulp out of the drink through the extra long straw. What made me feel humiliated was the straw was too long therefore the amount of air I had to suck in before the actual drink was too much to do in one breath…the sound of the soft drink fizzing but the lack of it reaching the end of the straw was really vexing…
I threw away the straw, lifted up the Mirinda and began chugging it. I ended up choking…
“Cough cough cough…woo…cough cough…”
“What are you doing my pretty??! What are you planning on doing, Garen already got you down to half health??!” (UNSC)
After coughing a few more times, I tried to suppress the pain in my throat and glanced at the screen. I still have a third of my HP heft, but my poison trail seems to have gotten him down to a quarter of health…I was frozen for a moment, and then decided to make a run for it…
DEMACIA! Boom! Swish ~ Swish ~ Swish ~
(Tn: I’m the worst at Onomatopoeia but the Boom is when he uses his ult and a huge sword falls. Swish is when he spins like a top holding the sword so he’s just basically cutting the air -Ability E-)
Oi oi oi.. You’re chasing me as if I am your sworn opponent or something. Hey! I’m already under my tower and you’re still diving??! Well if you keep coming like that I’ll just help myself!
Over the shoulder you go…I’m off!
History is always shockingly similar…
Big Gayren was thrown into the air.
Big Gayren traveled in the air forming a perfect curve
Big Gayren fell under the tower.
Big Gayren was locked on by the defensive tower and was attacked.
Big Gayren ate one tower shot.
Big Gayren intended to use his Q to run out of the tower but the third shot caught up!
Big Gayren was hit! Big Gayren was slain!!
(Tn: Garen is about as good as a Wood division 3)
+ G 300
I’m so embarrassed…
“A savage counter? Not bad, I didn’t expect you to be at this level…” (UNSC)
“Hey, it’s not like that, I just want to run, and just only incidentally tossed him aside…” The more I thought about it the more confused I was, the more I thought about it the more embarrassed I felt. My voice was also getting more and more weak…
I pressed the B key, it’s time for the savage me to return home and buy items. With the choices of what items to buy I didn’t hesitate at all. My choice was the big lunch box (Catalyst of Aeons). It’s the one you get after merging the Sapphire crystal that gives mana and the Ruby crystal that gives health together. For me this is the most cost-effective build and it’s also effective. But even though it’s cost-effective I ran out of money to buy health potions and boots…forget it, who cares.
Making a run towards top lane, the Big Gayren has already pushed the minions under my tower. If this action can be tolerated, then I can tolerate anything. With such a low level he dares try taking my tower? Just when I was about to toss him behind me he ran away with his Q…
(Tn :是可忍,孰不可忍 This is unacceptable/intolerable. Another Chinese idiom)
“Oi… Garen. At least have some backbone…”
It was now a battle of attrition. When I tried killing minions, he would run towards me with his Q and I would activate my poison trail and make a run for it, taking away large chunks of his HP. When he tried killing minions, I would instantly fling him into my W and activate my poison to kill the minions. Although the fighting continued without stopping, but because of the Catalyst of Aeons and my ultimate, my recovery and damage potential was not inferior to Garen’s…but he backed 7 times during the 20 minutes, but compared to me who only backed once he really was too weak, and the benefits was the 3 level difference and the extra 40 minion kills I have compared to him. For me this was simply a bliss.
(Tn: Not for me when apparently刀is not knife but minion kills)
The other lanes on the other hand didn’t look so good. It was Illaoi against Oriana in mid lane, and the damage output for Illaoi is heavily dependent on her tentacles…just saying. Now about bot lane, because our support was so strong the opponents didn’t dare to try to get farm and was forced under their own turret, it sounds like good news, but it’s not. Since the opponent no longer attack the minions and our ADC kept killing theirs’ the minion wave was pushed under the opponent’s turret. Both my top lane and our mid lane froze the minion wave but the bottom lane took the brunt of the opponent jungler Master Yi’s gank. With the support Amumu’s QR combo it made things from bad to worse.
We had a temporary score lead of 9 to 8 kills, and I personally contributed to three kills without dying. Even so, I am not happy at all, because I don’t have burst potential and I don’t want to get special treatment from the opponents during team fights. So during the team fights I stayed top lane and secretly pushed the lane, getting a tower.
My actions were noticed by the opponent jungler, and he gave up the team fight to chase after me, I seemed insignificant with only half health in the eyes of the 5 opponents, therefore he used Chilling Smite on me and then Q without hesitation. Following up with a ER he then started auto attacking, my health bar instantly dropped to a quarter with 500 HP left. Once he reappeared from his Q I instantly flashed into my own tower and activated my R which he continued to chase me under the tower. With one auto attack my HP dropped to a danger zone of 400, while he only ate a shot from the tower and the damage of my poison trail which dropped to around 700 HP. He didn’t stop and kept auto attacking me, gambling for a Critical hit.
But reality is a cruel thing, His 25% crit chance did not grant him the chance to take my head and the shutdown gold. I have to admit that the second level on Singed R really is overpowered, I still have 200 HP left.
He begun to retreat and ate the second shot from the tower, I didn’t react enough in time. By the time I realized he was leaving the tower range and was preparing to use W to reduce damage and recover HP, luckily I still had my Q. You have already failed in trying to kill me, now you’re trying to run away? I quickly threw a W that slows, he just activated his W, the third tower shot hit right after his damage reduction and his health recovered to a safe 400HP but he was now within my E range…
“Eat my shoulder toss!”
Interrupting his W channeling, he flew to where I just placed my W and got rooted instead of slowed. The tower then locked onto him and started attacking. Just like that, the jungle Yi was slain.
I feel sympathetic towards this child who died without understanding a thing, but I don’t give a crap about that stuff…time to go back and get items.
What made me happy was that we had won the team fight, mid Orianna got killed by our jungler Jax who hammered her to death with a few hits. The malnourished bot lane and top lane was naturally unable to fight back. With the excellent control of Blitzcrank the tank Garen didn’t have any chance to escape, Jax got a triple kill with excellent results and resulted in an Ace.
(Tn: I used malnourished because the other choice of unfed is not the best and it means they do not have any gold/kills to buy items)
And my original build of Rylai’s Crystal Scepter, Tier 3 boots and Tear of Goddess became Rod of Ages, Tier 3 boots, Tear of Goddess and Catalyst of Aeons
(Tn: This part I have no idea what items he bought but I did my best 冰杖三速鞋女神泪变成了时光杖三速鞋女神泪大饭盒 and I also forgot what items there are in season 6)
Guess I really don’t have to carry the game after all~
With my tier 3 boots and my ultimate, My back is no longer sore and my legs no longer hurts and running through Summoner’s Rift is also no longer troublesome. Leaving on my air polluter, top, mid, bot all suffered from me. Jax initiated a team fight with his max stack devourer. To be honest after seeing Jax’s items and his attack speed I was suspicious on how he was able to win that team fight…
At the very very end, I sold my boots, and by the time I bought Rod of Ages I knew we would win, with one Guardians Angel and 5 Rod of Ages. Even though there is no point in doing this it was still useful… But that Jax miraculously changed his build to Stalker’s Blade, Bloodthirster, Infinity Edge, Zhonya’s hourglass and Spirit Visage.
Of course, nobody chased me…it makes me a little depressed. It was probably because when Jax lost in a 1 v 1 the other 4 came for me which ended up with a triple kill for me…
“But I’m already happy after finishing that game, and this game lasted for one hour, so lets just forget about having another game. After all, it’s already 11 o’clock, staying up late is not good for the body…”
“Well, hope you have sweet dreams” (Anzi Orange)
“Let’s play together some other time” (UNSC)
“Then I’m gonna sleep also, good night everyone” (Running Snail)
“Don’t be in such a hurry, let me send a car over…” (Magical Teen)
“Get out! Don’t badly influence her!” (Everyone)
(Tn: 木木 was used again which means ‘pretty girl’ aka ‘her’)
“Yeah, Yeah, this is so troublesome~” (Magical Teen)
Leaving the chat group, I turned off my computer and hopped towards the toilet to brush my teeth.
As for sleep…I am a nocturnal animal…
(Author’s Note: This draft was written 6 months ago…was the Deathfire grasp removed then?)
(Tn: After doing two chapters I finally realized how big these are compared to other novels, 5000 characters compared to the usual 2000, and I’m gonna try my best to make it a weekly release and once it’s July 21 I am completely free from my exams so it would most likely be 2 chapters per week or more. Rip Deathfire Grasp, Kat and Ahri can’t 1 shot tanks like before)